Breastfeeding Shouldn’t Hurt: What Pain Is Really Telling You

What’s Causing the Pain? A Closer Look

Experiencing breastfeeding pain is common but it isn’t something you have to accept. In this article we will explore what might be causing it and how gentle, holistic support can help.

So many parents come to me having already decided that pain is just part of the process. And I understand why; it’s what they’ve been told, often by people who care about them. But one of the things I hear most, quietly and often with some sadness, is this: “Nobody told me it shouldn’t feel like this.”

There is also something worth naming here. Postpartum women are so often expected by others and by themselves to push through their own discomfort without question. To endure. Pain in breastfeeding can become tangled up in that pressure without anyone realising it.

I want this article to be that moment. The moment someone tells you breastfeeding should not hurt. If it does, that’s not a sign to toughen up; it’s a sign that something needs a little attention.

Breastfeeding pain rarely has just one cause, and it’s worth knowing that not all of it is physical. Here are some of the most common reasons parents experience pain or discomfort during feeding:

Latch and Positioning

The most frequent culprit. When a baby isn’t latching deeply enough, or when the feeding position creates strain for either parent or baby, pain is often the first sign. A shallow latch in particular can cause nipple soreness, compression and cracking. The good news is that latch and positioning are usually very addressable with the right support.

Body Tension, Yours and Your Baby’s

This one is less talked about but really important. A parent’s posture, stress levels and physical tension can all affect how feeding feels. Equally, babies can carry tension in their neck, jaw or body which is sometimes as a result of their birth experience and can affect how they latch and feed. When we slow down and pay attention to what both bodies are doing, small adjustments can make a meaningful difference.

Oral Restrictions

Sometimes the way a baby’s mouth, tongue or lips are structured can affect their ability to latch effectively. If you’re experiencing persistent pain despite good positioning, it’s worth having your baby assessed by a specialist. This is an area I always signpost families to dedicated professionals; but I can help you recognise the signs that it’s worth investigating.

Vasospasm and Raynaud’s

Some parents experience vasospasm, a sudden constriction of blood vessels in the nipple which can cause sharp, burning or throbbing pain after feeding. This is more common in people who have Raynaud’s phenomenon and can require a specific approach. If your pain feels more like an intense colour change and burning sensation after feeds rather than during, this may be worth exploring with your GP or a breastfeeding specialist.

Pumping Pain

Breastfeeding pain isn’t limited to nursing. If expressing is uncomfortable, it’s worth knowing that pumping should not hurt either. The most common causes are incorrect flange sizing or a pump that isn’t suited to you. Small adjustments here can make a significant difference to your comfort and your pumping experience.

The Emotional Side of Breastfeeding Pain

Not all breastfeeding pain is physical, and this matters deeply to me as a practitioner.

Breastfeeding can carry a significant emotional weight; the pressure to get it right, the exhaustion, the vulnerability of those early weeks, and the grief that can surface when it isn’t going the way you hoped or imagined. These emotional experiences are real, they are valid, and they deserve as much attention as any physical symptom.

Some parents also experience what’s known as Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex; D-MER. It’s a physiological response that happens at let-down, causing a sudden wave of sadness, anxiety or irritability that typically passes within a few minutes. It’s linked to a brief dip in dopamine and is not a reflection of your mental health, your feelings about feeding, or your love for your baby. Please know, it is not in your head and you are not alone.

The emotional landscape of breastfeeding deserves its own dedicated conversation and I’ll be exploring both of these areas in more depth in future articles. But I wanted to name them here, because if you’ve been carrying something quietly alongside the physical challenges, I want you to know that it is seen, it is understood, and support is available.

What to Do If Breastfeeding Is Painful?

First, and I say this to every parent I work with: This is not an emergency.

That might sound simple, but in the fog of early parenthood, when you’re exhausted and sore and wondering if you’re doing something terribly wrong, it can be genuinely grounding to hear. Pain is information. It’s your body and your baby’s body communicating that something needs a little attention. It is not a sign that you have failed, or that breastfeeding isn’t for you.

Breastfeeding is a skill and crucially, it’s a skill being learned by two people at the same time. You and your baby are figuring this out together, and that takes time. Most breastfeeding relationships take around six weeks to establish, and that journey is rarely a straight line. Like any relationship, it grows, shifts and deepens. There will be harder days and easier ones. That’s not failure; that’s the process.

As Professor Amy Brown so powerfully argues, no one fails at breastfeeding. They are failed by a system that doesn’t give them the support they need.

Some gentle first steps:

• Pause and notice. Where exactly is the pain? When does it happen; during the latch, throughout the feed, or after? Is it one side or both? This information is really useful for anyone supporting you.
• Check in with your body. Are your shoulders up around your ears? Is your jaw clenched? Are you holding your breath? Tension in your body affects your feeding experience more than most people realise. A slow breath before your baby latches can do more than you might expect.
• Look at your setup. Positioning and latch are the most common causes of pain and often the most responsive to small adjustments. You don’t necessarily need to start from scratch; sometimes a tiny shift makes a significant difference.
• Seek support sooner rather than later. Pain that persists is worth getting eyes on. An IBCLC, breastfeeding counsellor or mindful breastfeeding practitioner can help you identify what’s happening and work through it with you; gently and without judgment.

And if you’re expressing milk and finding that painful too, please don’t overlook it. Pumping discomfort is common but not something you simply have to accept. Flange sizing and pump type are worth exploring with someone who knows what to look for.

You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone

If you’ve read this and recognised yourself somewhere in these words; whether that’s the pain you’ve been quietly tolerating, the emotional dips nobody warned you about, or simply the exhaustion of trying to figure it all out without enough support; I want you to know something. Your experience matters. Your comfort matters. Your confidence matters. You are not failing. You may just not have found the right support yet.

Breastfeeding support doesn’t have to feel clinical or rushed. My role isn’t a medical one; it’s a holistic one. It’s about holding space for you and your baby, at whatever stage of your feeding journey you’re at, and walking alongside you with knowledge, calm and compassion.

Whether you’re still pregnant and want to feel more prepared, in the thick of those early weeks, or somewhere further along and still finding things hard; there is support available that meets you where you are, not where someone else thinks you should be. I’d love to hear from you. No pressure, no clinical assessment; just a gentle conversation about what you need.

Adele x